So What?
When I coach clients, they often tell me that even with the best intentions and plans, a string of negative thoughts often blocks them from making any progress. One of my recommendations to them is that they follow what I call the ’So What?’ approach - best illustrated with an example.
Let’s say that you have an interview coming up and you’re dreading it since your last one wasn’t that great. Now, your mind goes, “Oh god! This interview is going to be a disaster! I have 5 back to back interviewers and they’re gonna grill me. Last time, I fumbled and could not pick myself up again." These thoughts put you in a negative spiral and you are now fighting the negativity rather than focusing on the interview.
So, what should you do? Rather than going down this spiral, when the first thought hits you, you should just counter with ‘So what?’. Keep doing that for the next thought and the next and the next.
Thought: Oh god! This interview is going to be really tough. There are these five interviewers and they’ll grill me. Last time, I fumbled and could not pick myself up again
You: So what?
Thought: If I don’t do well, I won’t get the job
You: So what?
Thought: If I don’t get the job, I will have to apply to another one
You: So what?
Thought: I’ll have to start the process all over again
You: So what?
Thought:Hmm…(trying to figure out the next question)
This process questions some of the basic assumptions that involuntarily drive our thoughts. Assumptions that often go unchallenged since the mind is in a rush to make conclusions. By asking ‘So What?’, this process is slowed down and it forces our brain to question those assumptions. Things which earlier looked really bad do not look all that bad anymore and those which looked good looks even better! Every time you say ‘So what?’, the energy in the thought reduces and YOU are more in control.
After a few successions of ’So what?’, you will realize that the stakes are not as high as you thought it was. That feeling puts you at calm and you can now focus on winning the situation rather than fighting the negative thoughts.
Try it today. If you don’t, so what?
The Inaction to Action Recipe
March 24th, 2018. A sea of about 200,000 protesters walked through the streets of Washington D.C. to protest gun violence. Besides the obvious exhibition of the First Amendment, “March For Our Lives” was also a striking example of how ordinary people can move mountains under a combination of certain circumstances and preparedness. Teenagers — who had a day prior spent perfect teenager lives were leading a national movement crossing all demographics, geographical and economic boundaries. The trigger for their action was the shooting of 17 students at their high school — Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida.
What lead them to take these actions? What gave them the power to galvanize the country behind them while many before them have stood on the sidelines? This article attempts to learn from this event and create one recipe for converting our inaction to actions.
Know your end product
When you set out to cook a new dish, you need to have a very clear understanding of what the end result would look like. You cannot expect to aim for a sandwich and end up with a cookie. The Parkland survivors had a north star — “End Gun Violence”. It was so clear that they had no difficulty in marshaling their resources and the resources of the entire country towards their cause.
What will your end goal taste like? What will you call it? Visualize every aspect of it.
Choose the right Ingredients
Every recipe needs the right ingredients. Without them, the best chefs in the world can only manage to cook mediocre fare. Here are some ingredients you need to convert your inaction to action:
Heaps of Motivation
Without motivation, nothing will move. It is that engine that kick starts an action. The sight of their classmates mowed down by the barrel of a gun motivated the Parkland survivors to bring an end to gun violence. In Psychology Today, Tina Seeling gives this simple structure to evaluate our motivations. You have to identify that motivation for an end goal that you seek. Maybe it’s the desire to manage a large organization, maybe it’s the desire to make a social impact in this world. Maybe it’s a desire to get a peaceful good nights sleep. No motivation is too large or too big. It’s your own personal motivation. Go find it!
A shot of Urgency
The teenagers at Stoneman Douglas High always desired a peaceful world and an end to gun violence. However, what spurred them into action was the sense of urgency that developed immediately after the shooting. Without this sense of urgency, the movement would have died even before it began. In your life, once you figure out the motivation, progress will be tepid if you don’t give it a shot of urgency. Looking for a career change, create a sense of urgency. Looking to complete that presentation, create an artificial sense of urgency. In matters of action, NOW is the most powerful word you have. Use it!
Generous amounts of Self-Belief
Inaction to action does involve a fair bit of uncertainty the antidote to those uncertainties is self-belief. The Parkland survivors were dealing with powerful organizations and decades of failed attempts when they decided to take the issue head-on. However, it was their faith which pulled them through. Now, self-belief may not always be easy to come by and lack of faith could be a deterrent to self-belief itself. Hence, blind self-belief is often a great kickstart strategy. In this excellent Forbes article, Margie Warrell gives an excellent advice on “Acting as if…”. In your attempt to reach out to a prospect, let your self-belief push you through to action. If you are debating on whether to get on the stage to make a presentation but the only thing stopping you is your confidence, let your blind self-belief push you through.
Not only are quality ingredients important, but you need to sequence them right too. Starting your cooking by putting salt in hot oil is going to get you something very unappetizing. When you build up motivation, urgency, and faith — make sure that you don’t put the cart before the horse.
Let a clear goal lead you to motivation. Then build urgency and follow it up with blind faith.
Choose the right tools
You cannot cut veggies with a spatula. A sharp knife is indispensable. The Parkland survivors knew their tools. They understood how to leverage social media and grassroots activism wisely. Without knowing how to reach hundreds of thousands, the movement would have died with a whimper. For you to move from inaction to action, you have to know your tools. For your career move, you’ll need to understand how to use LinkedIn. For selling your services, you’ll need to understand inbound lead-gen tools. The only way to build expertise in these tools is to start using it. As you start using it, you’ll see movement towards your action.
The right amount of heat
If you simmer your dish when you need to boil, you’ll end up with an uncooked dish. Similarly, if you fry it while you need to slow cook it, you’ll end up with burnt food. Both are unappetizing options! The Parkland students did a burst of media interviews soon after the shooting incident, then worked in the background towards the March 24th event and then went full steam during the rally. In your own lives, as you move from inaction to action, apply the right heat. When you are building expertise towards a new skill, you are on steady medium heat. As you go creating some branding, you are on fire. Temper your heat and you’ll have enough energy to see you through action. Too much or too less, you’ll either prematurely kill your efforts or let it die a slow death.
Add your secret sauce.
My wife’s pasta tastes different than any other pasta I have eaten. She will not reveal her secret recipe. That’s her secret sauce. The Parkland survivors had a secret sauce -Witnessing gun violence from the brink of death, their youth, and their social media savviness. They used it to their advantage. In your quest to move from inaction to action, add your own secret sauce. It could be the emotional cover letters that you can write. It could be your ability to reach out to contacts. Your secret sauce is uniquely yours and you don’t have to reveal it. That’s why it’s called a secret!
Don’t forget the garnish
You always remember the well laid out garnish on a good meal. It is a distinctive feature of the meal and sometimes of the chef. The Parkland survivors left a unique signature with the 6-minute silence during the rally or the #enoughisenough hashtag. As you start your actions, think about what unique signatures do you want to leave with your actions. Maybe you always deliver an inspiring quote. Maybe your presentations are always full of interactive graphs and pictures. Identify them and make them your signature. It’ll not only leave a lasting impression on others but will provide an unique energy for future actions.
Celebrate Success
When you’re done preparing your signature meal, you don’t want to just put it in the refrigerator. You want to share it with family and friends and enjoy your creation and also the journey. Similarly, when you achieve success in your actions, celebrate! Make sure you contemplate on your journey from inaction to action, your learnings and how you have grown as a person. Enjoy the moment of success and then get ready to do it all over again!