So What?
When I coach clients, they often tell me that even with the best intentions and plans, a string of negative thoughts often blocks them from making any progress. One of my recommendations to them is that they follow what I call the ’So What?’ approach - best illustrated with an example.
Let’s say that you have an interview coming up and you’re dreading it since your last one wasn’t that great. Now, your mind goes, “Oh god! This interview is going to be a disaster! I have 5 back to back interviewers and they’re gonna grill me. Last time, I fumbled and could not pick myself up again." These thoughts put you in a negative spiral and you are now fighting the negativity rather than focusing on the interview.
So, what should you do? Rather than going down this spiral, when the first thought hits you, you should just counter with ‘So what?’. Keep doing that for the next thought and the next and the next.
Thought: Oh god! This interview is going to be really tough. There are these five interviewers and they’ll grill me. Last time, I fumbled and could not pick myself up again
You: So what?
Thought: If I don’t do well, I won’t get the job
You: So what?
Thought: If I don’t get the job, I will have to apply to another one
You: So what?
Thought: I’ll have to start the process all over again
You: So what?
Thought:Hmm…(trying to figure out the next question)
This process questions some of the basic assumptions that involuntarily drive our thoughts. Assumptions that often go unchallenged since the mind is in a rush to make conclusions. By asking ‘So What?’, this process is slowed down and it forces our brain to question those assumptions. Things which earlier looked really bad do not look all that bad anymore and those which looked good looks even better! Every time you say ‘So what?’, the energy in the thought reduces and YOU are more in control.
After a few successions of ’So what?’, you will realize that the stakes are not as high as you thought it was. That feeling puts you at calm and you can now focus on winning the situation rather than fighting the negative thoughts.
Try it today. If you don’t, so what?