Theory of Mind, Worrying, and Mindfulness
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
The prefrontal cortex forms a larger proportion of the brain in humans compared to other species. The prefrontal cortex enables what is called the Theory of Mind (ToM). ToM helps us understand others, what we think they are thinking and what we think they are thinking about what we are thinking. You get the point. ToM is what allows humans to think, plan, decide, strategize and show empathy ToM is a very important part of our evolution which lets us have social interactions, understand non-verbal cues, help us negotiate, and influence.
https://www.slideserve.com/nydia/biological-bases-of-behaviour-lecture-9-cerebral-cortex
ToM - Sue wonders what Sally thinks about Jane's thoughts about Sue and how those thoughts can affect how Sue would think about Sally.
Although ToM helps us effectively carry out our daily functions (e.g., dressing professionally so that your colleagues have a good impression of you), it also lulls us into overusing it even when we don’t have situations that demand it. As may be evident, ToM involves a very complex web of processing to understand the various stakeholders, their thinking, and our stakes in these dynamic interactions. The outcomes from this complex processing that leads us to act appropriately can also easily lead us to a path of worrying about negative consequences if things don't go right. Often, these negative consequences are a hypothetical projection of "what ifs" are many are not actionable. However, we get sucked in by the vortex of the ToM and that can move us away from what is really important and meaningful to us at the core. This is ToM in overdrive mode!
ToM in overdrive - Sue worries what Sally thinks about Jane's thoughts about Sue and how those thoughts can affect how Sue would think about Sally.
Mindfulness to the rescue
Mindfulness is defined as the awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally. There is some research that shows that mindfulness actually helps ToM. For example, mindfulness can enhance our ToM to develop more empathy and thus help our ability for better social interactions. However, mindfulness can also help when our ToM goes into overdrive mode leading us to worry. Mindfulness can bring us back to the present, to the core essence of a situation. It helps us to stop judging how others think about us or how others think about us thinking about them. By being mindful, we can be aware of our ToM in action and its inclination to make complex connections between different possibilities but we neither judge nor interpret them. Instead, we recognize it as a fact, take a deep breath, and move on to work on what is meaningful. Note that being mindful does not mean a fervent attempt to stop those thoughts. In fact, an attempt to do so would be ToM in overdrive again!
Mindfulness keeps ToM in check - Sue observes non-judgementally that she wonders what Sally thinks about Jane's thoughts about Sue and smiles at that thought.
Some examples of the ToM being used what it is intended for versus in overdrive mode.
You have an important presentation to make:
Studying the audience, their needs and preparing the presentation accordingly - Using ToM appropriately.
Worrying incessantly about the possibility that the audience doesn't like the presentation - ToM in overdrive.
Taking a deep breath and focusing on the content and enjoying the process of building and the delivery of the presentation - Being Mindful i.e. keeping ToM in check.
You’re planning a surprise birthday party song for your partner:
Think about what your partner would love and prepare to sing that song - Using ToM appropriately.
Change the choice of song twenty times and worrying that no matter what you do, you'll fall short - ToM in overdrive.
You pick a song, enjoy the process of preparing for the surprise and remind yourself of all the memories that go with the song - Being Mindful i.e. keeping ToM in check.
Next time you find yourself stressed over something, maybe you could step back, check if your ToM is in overdrive and exercise some mindfulness. Modern Health members get access to a library of mindfulness exercises in their app. If you are not a Modern Health member, you can sample some mindfulness exercises from UCLA's Mindful Awareness Research Center.
Here's to a mindful ToM week ahead!